As we go through life, we will encounter many obstacles, and the road will take many twist and turns. It’s how we deal with (our attitude) every day inconveniences that reflects our true nature. And to be honest – most of us STINK! In the garden of Eden God created us with infinite value out of the dust of the ground, but ever since Adam and Eve choose death over life, we’ve been rolling around like pigs in the dirt. It wasn’t until the promise was fulfilled through Jesus that the option of life was restored and our value began to be dusted off, but unfortunately this does not happen in a blink of an eye. I remember the first time I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I was kneeling at the alter with my eyes closed waiting for this miraculous transformation. Needless to say, that didn’t happen and no one bothered to tell me that I now had a lifelong journey of getting to know my God, the promises, what I needed to do, and the tests & trails I would go through; nor that the ‘transformation’ didn’t happen overnight but would take place a little at a time over a period of years (and years, and years) depending on how quickly I learned and passed God’s tests. As I heard Joyce Meyer say, no one fails at Gods university, He gives you the same test over and over again until you pass. This is very true.
Recently, my life seems to be one big test and some I’ve breezed through as though it weren’t me but someone else doing it, and other times I don’t know what it is I’m supposed to learn. If you follow this blog, you know that I have accepted the responsibility of providing shelter for a woman in my church that became homeless. Paula is really a very sweet girl with a childlike mind. She’ll do anything I ask her, but only if I ask. I have to consistently remind myself that not everyone has the same sense of responsibility like I do, that God made each and every one of us different, and that God is always watching. He sees what I’m doing as well as her. Before she came to live with me, various people would help supply her personal needs and rides to the doctor as well as to church. This has apparently stopped and I have become her sole provider. Honestly, when I first agreed to let her stay here I didn’t anticipate being her ride to where ever she needed to go or providing for her personal items or for her medication. This would not be a problem if she would only ask me for what she needs instead of telling me. I know there’s a lesson here and so far, boundaries is what I’m thinking. Keep in mind that I have no income, and the money from my husband’s estate is fast running out.
Today, I get home from the doctors, with a side trip to a bank (out of my way) to cash a check that someone at the church gave her, and found that she had gone to a friend’s house around the corner to baby sit their dogs. I had to get up early this morning to make my appointment so here I was alone, and it was raining outside – perfect napping conditions! I lay back on the sofa, and was just about to fall asleep when the phone rings. Just knowing in my heart that it was her wanting me to come get her, I didn’t answer the phone. Of course my attitude bothered me because love is inconvenient, but I didn’t want to be inconvenienced! Wasn’t I allowed to be selfish a little bit every now and then?
As I laid there pondering my attitude, it finally got the better of me and I returned her call. She didn’t need a ride home, but had forgotten some clothes to change into in case she went to church with them and wanted me to bring them to her. I’m ashamed to say I told her I wasn’t getting back out. My thinking was they could swing by here on the way to church and she could run in and change. We humans can always find a way to justify our bad behavior. Hint: If you have to justify – you’re already in the wrong! With the Holy Spirit elbowing me, I took it to God and as I was praying “God what lesson am I to learn from this? I mean I know I’m supposed to learn something, but I don’t know what it is. It seems like she doesn’t appreciate anything I do for her and how much this is costing me. She just keeps asking for more and not even saying thank you!” That’s when I heard God say “now you know how I feel”. Talk about deflating my balloon! I do give thanks to God, but I’m sure there are many who don’t, and as I put myself in Jesus’s position for when He walked this earth, I thought about how did He ‘deal’ with this? There’s a story in the bible that talks about Jesus healing 10 leapers, and only 1 came back and thanked him (Luke 17:11-19). He was disappointed that only one, and a foreigner at that, came back to thank him, but through it all he never stopped loving them.
This was my lesson: 1. Never stop loving people no matter what they do. 2. Boundaries do need to be set, even Jesus went off by himself to pray. 3. I still need to work on that “self” issue. And 4. Always give praise and thanks to God for all that He does and who He is!
Love is Inconvenient